you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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