before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
