using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
