How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
