Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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