I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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