I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
