I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
