I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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