I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
