I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
