Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
