just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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