Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
