she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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