I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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