Sponge bath it is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
