when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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