Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
