Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
