he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
