This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
