Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
