I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
