im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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