I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
