He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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