would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
