You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I would ride that face into the sunset
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize