You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
