How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
