youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the condom got lost in my hair
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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