It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
