When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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