the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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