i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
