I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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