Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
