Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
