You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
