Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
