Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
