I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
