You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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