I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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