he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
