I think i peed on brittanys purse
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize