I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she peed on how many people?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
