i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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