i think i have two assholes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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