Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
