I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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