all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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