Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
