broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
