omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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