thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
