So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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