Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
