Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
