I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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