I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
