i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
