I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
there is puke in my bra ... again
You did what with his pubic hair?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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