I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
