I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
