he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
