Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
