Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
