And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
