After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
