So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Help. Why am I so naked?
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