I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
