I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone shattered a urinal.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
