textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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