so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
