i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
