I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
