ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
