On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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