remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
