Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
