I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
