I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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