Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize