Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
